I found myself more vulnerable this last week, admitting defeat in life and putting myself down. I started questioning my life purpose, and whether being a "sell-out" for money was worth more than what I believed in, and that's when I realized that I'm not a loser. I didn't quit my job because it was hard, I quit it because it was against my morals— and even if I'm broke and crying every day, it's not worth pushing myself in a position that doesn't align with what I believe in.
I don't want to rush things, and I think I can survive a couple months by using my 401k. I've been avoiding withdrawing my money, but I have too much debt and bills that I need to take care of. I don't have any savings, and that's on me. I've been living a lie to myself, thinking that I can change my class because my parents worked hard and saved their asses off. I wanted to be successful, and be a good role model for my cousins despite lying to myself that I am. My parents aren't rich, they just work hard to get by in life. I wanted to be like my friends, who are well-off and so are their families. I wanted to prove that I can live the lavishing lifestyle that I didn't have when I was young if I just work hard. Well, turns out life isn't like that. Rich people will stay rich and poor people will continue to work their asses off to get by.
Everything I want in life is expensive, and I'm never going to get it if I make less than $60,000 a year. I need to stop rushing with my online courses because it hurts a lot if I cram a month's worth of materials in 4 days, and relax. This might feel like the end of the world, but if I look at the overall picture, I'm just inside a small ditch waiting to grab a ladder to climb out. I always put myself down every time I get in this situation, but life goes on, and so will I. I will try my best to stand up, keep pushing through, and grow to be the best version of myself.