Starting at Ground Zero

I can't believe 2022 has passed! Normally I would cry and say that it passes by so fast, but it didn't. 2022 wasn't a good year for me, and I knew that coming in. My mom gets these horoscope readings every year in Vietnam that she warned me how it is going to be. It was definitely a year of hardship, high and low struggles, and mistake after mistake. It didn't even let me end the year happily either because I got COVID-19 during Christmas while my parents were visiting. Anyways, now that 2022 is over, I can finally sit back, reflect and plan new resolutions for 2023.

Everyone has New Year's resolutions, but I don't make those— mainly because I never go through with them. Instead, I create goals that I want to accomplish, separating them into categories of personal, career, love, etc. As much as I would appreciate myself for fighting through and actually completing them, it doesn't always happen. 2022 was the same. I don't think I accomplished any goals; instead, I put myself backward. I got into more debt by being unemployed and taking out loans. I quit my full-time and haven't been advancing in my professional career. Alan and I lived separately because I promised to help pay my parents' house mortgage. Life didn't go as I planned when I was 23. It took a couple years for me to really take it in the reality that not everything will go smoothly according to plans. I didn't get engaged or married by 27, and I don't have money for a house. I'm not sure why I made those plans, maybe because I was too optimistic about the world? I still am, but I think that little glimpse of hope that I have is slowly dimming.

Most of my friends don't really know how I feel because I don't share it openly. I never do, and it's something I hope to change for the new year. I like to keep all the negative things to myself, and only share the positive stuff. Of course, not everyone's lives are like that. I, myself included. I finally reactivated my Instagram after 17 months of quitting, and cleared out my following/followers list to those I'm interested in keeping in touch with. It feels weird, but I'm hoping to build a healthier relationship with social media. I decided to create a new food insta as well, called 'uyen2eat'. I was going to name it 'whatuyeneats', but I got blocked because Instagram thought I was a bot account. I hope to share more food photos & reels, build a healthy followers list, and not get too stressed out with trending hashtags.

Last year, I stopped talking to my two best friends due to a personal promise. It sucked. I cried so much every day, but I made a huge mistake back in 2020 that I had to be held responsible for. I hurt Alan, and I hurt my friends. They were the only friends that I tell everything (besides Alan), so taking them out of my life was a struggle. I just kept everything bottled up inside me, and suffered depression around mid-year. I locked myself in my room, not wanting to eat or do anything because life wasn't worth living. I really didn't have anything to look forward to. I gained 30 lbs during that time because I didn't move at all, and working remotely didn't help either. Things haven't changed this year, but if I get my shit together, then maybe I can talk to them again.

As for an update since my last post— I got a part-time seasonal job at Best Buy back in late October. At that point, I was so broke that I needed any source of income to help pay the bills. It's not like living at my parents' house save on rent either since I was still paying them every month. I didn't think I would like working at Best Buy, but it became the best job I've had. I love working late hours and having some weekdays off, and my sleep schedule has improved since then. I don't have to wake up at 8 AM, and I can stay up late as I typically do without being tired at work. My hours are typically from 1-9 PM, which works out great for my schedule. Alan and I get to grocery shop on Wednesdays and get 20% off OneZo drinks between 6-8 PM as well. Plus the discounts. THE FREAKIN' DISCOUNTS. I don't get any discounts on big items like TVs, Apple products, or graphic cards, but I do get good discounts on kitchen appliances, chargers, phone accessories, etc. My Nomad leather case that's normally $60 is only $25 with an employee discount!

Another exciting news is that I finally started my new internship with Yelp as a Community Intern for the Dallas, TX area. I interviewed back in November and passed all the interviews, and accepted the offer on my 28th birthday. I didn't plan to continue working part-time after New Year's, but I gave up on so many things to find a career that I enjoy, it happens to be this way. I also extended my seasonal position with Best Buy as well after the holidays, so I'm currently working both jobs to pay the bills and do what I like. It sucks because most of the interns are young adults, who majored in Marketing, so for me with no background to join the team, I have a lot to learn. I don't use TikTok or Instagram either, so I have no idea how to make reels or "trending songs". I was ashamed to even share it because most people have a full-time job making six figures now, meanwhile, I'm starting over making barely above minimum wage. I really hope that I'll be able to learn a lot from the position, build new connections and slowly transition to utilizing my creative skills. This is always what I had planned in my life, but it took me so long to follow it. I was scared of starting over, but now that I reached rock bottom, it doesn't feel as scary because I have nothing left to lose. My mantra for the 2023 year is to switch my mentality from 'I'm broken and helpless' to 'I'm growing and healing' because life isn't meant to be perfect. I just hope to learn from my previous mistakes and improve myself (mentally, physically & financially) this year.